Life Lessons from Sylvia Plath
Character is fate. Snow is... fine.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been micro-dosing Sylvia Plath’s journals before I go to sleep every night.
I’m not depressed (at the moment), but I find myself savoring every word she writes because they’re all so deeply relatable. I’m sure — I hope! — that’s not the case for everyone, but fortunately/unfortunately it is for me.
Because we all know how her story played out, it’s easy to forget that there was a living, breathing person who fought for as long as she could in a society that wasn’t built for a mind like hers.
She writes as if floating just beyond the veil — watching herself move through the world, engaging with others, and wishing it was all better. She seems to find her company subpar, but wants them to love her. She feels superior to everyone else, but thinks she’s an egotistical "flabby character.” She aches for love, awe, and whimsy but finds it all so droll when she experiences it.
In the depths of my deepest despair, that is exactly how I felt.
“I can’t deceive myself out of the bare stark realization that no matter how enthusiastic you are, no matter how sure that ‘character is fate’, nothing is real, past or future, when you are alone in your room with the clock ticking loudly into the false cheerful brilliance of the electric light.” - Sylvia Plath
Character might be fate… but what if your character has a brain that grasps the concept of normal, but cannot do it without feeling like a soul-less husk of a human?! I try, I conform, I assimilate… but I am never fully present because “normal” is bullshit.
I am trying really hard not to become cynical, and I am doing an okay job, but the state of the world isn’t making it very easy. Politically speaking, of course, but also in general. There’s too much stimulation and forgive me for quoting Mugatu again1, but I FEEL LIKE I AM TAKING CRAZY PILLS.
It often feels like everyone else is moving in an assembly line, passing all their quality checks (birth, education, marriage, babies, retirement, etc.) and I’m jammed somewhere.
Meanwhile every fucking day another former colleague is getting married and I’m expected to give her a Le Crueset dutch oven, a card with cash, a Sunday afternoon for the bridal shower, a weekend in Baltimore for the bachelorette, and a weekend in Yosemite for the wedding.
Does she know she will never use that dutch oven? Does she know the current divorce rate? Does she know that I watched her cheat on every single partner she has ever been with, including one literal time when I accidentally walked in on her and didn’t leave because I thought it’d be LESS awkward???
That’s a mostly true story!!!
I know it’s normal to be excited for people, and feel energized by new experiences, and look at the Grand Canyon and say, “Wowwwww!” But instead I am grumpily rotting in bed thinking “IT’S JUST A BIG FUCKING HOLE IN THE GROUND, PEOPLE!”
The good news is… character is fate.
Also, mental healthcare exists! And it is in a much better state than when Sylvia Plath was getting electric shock therapy in a mental institution.
I’ve learned that the more I concern myself with the characters of others, poor government systems, and anything outside of my control then the more detached I become from wanting to exist.
And the more time I spend making decisions in alignment with my character, the more grateful I am to not only be given this life, but my life in particular. My decisions might not be considered correct or de rigueur — but they make me feel steady, present, and happy to be here.
That means staying connected with and loyal to the people I love, being around animals, walking through the woods, being neighborly, reading, writing, exercising, making people laugh, and wondering which late night host is the freakiest in bed.2
If character is fate, and our lives are pre-determined, then so far I’m feeling quite good about my character’s seemingly insane arc. In terms of presentation, it’s not great. It’s no American Dream and it’s certainly no The Greatest Love Story Never Told.
But thankfully, I’m heavily medicated learning to care less about how my life looks on paper. Because, as a reminder… NORMAL IS BULLSHIT AND NOTHING IS REAL.
(God, what an ego I have!)
- Sylvia Plath
How My Character Dresses.
I’m not gonna lie, the sales got me this week. So far, I haven’t bought anything from Amazon… but the rivals are rivaling.
Doen. I got this gingham Ischia dress because it’s been haunting me for three years. I’ve wanted it every single year and envisioned myself running errands or reading a book in a forest, but every year I decide that you can’t take a girl out of her leggings. This year, I’ve decided that I don’t care.
Loved but didn’t buy: this top to wear while regretting sitting outside on a patio, this Hopelessly Devoted To You dress, and Stevie Nicks (her knees) dress.
Shopbop. 25% off select styles. Obviously affiliated with Amazon, so… take it or leave it. I also have wanted this dress for a while because it gives me Emma vibes.
Loved but didn’t buy: this Mille eyelet skirt, a workwear jacket for my construction work, this ~elevated~ denim jacket.
Madewell. Up to 70% off sale! I got this pink and white striped button down to wear with denim shorts or bike shorts, this gingham smocked mini dress, and these platform clogs. I find Madewell to be the best for long-lasting basics (leather shoes, bags, belts, basic tees, etc.)
Nordstrom. Anniversary sale is starting soon. I like to buy COATS in this sale. Particularly this All Saints leather jacket. To know me is to know that I always wear a leather jacket. They’re as necessary to my uniform as my glasses!!!
This character just drank a disgusting scoop of creatine and is off to a pilates class to prove to her mean doctor that her muscle mass is above average and she is physically strong!
Emphasis on physically.
K byyyyyye,
Patty
Barrett All, starring Patty Barrett, is written, directed, and produced by Patty Barrett. Lights and sound by Patty Barrett. Hair, make-up, and wardrobe provided by Patty Barrett. For more information, please reach out to Patty Barrett.
No, I’m not sorry.
Honestly… I think it’s Seth. Followed by John Oliver.