Wanna come over and play?
The search for a bit of healthy disassociation.
If there’s a single red thread through the entirety of my life, it’s trauma imagination. ✨
I’M SO GOOD AT MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING.
JUST ASK MY EX, lolololol. (Jk, please don’t, because he isn’t even my ex - our relationship was another thing I made up!)
I was raised in a glorious era before computers were in every home, so I had endless hours to play. I woke up, got my news through Linda Ellerbee, then I’d get right to work playing with my Barbies.
I had an impressive collection, an entire bucket full of clothes and shoes, and I even had the actual Barbie Dream House but I preferred creating giant mansions out of my couches… for my Barbies to have awkward, horizontal sex in. Duh.
Then I’d read. FOR HOURS. I still think of Amelia Bedelia every time I see lemon meringue pie and Madeline whenever someone tells me their appendix burst. I got a phone line in my bedroom, like Kristy from the Babysitter’s Club, and although this may be morbid – I started keeping a journal after reading The Diary of Anne Frank.
I’d choreograph dances and sing into candlestick microphones for audiences that didn’t exist. I’d write my own books (Shrill Screams was my one-hit wonder and my friends still quote it to me… in a mean way.) When my family eventually got a computer, I’d sit in front of it for hours… PRETENDING TO BE A SECRETARY.
No wonder I became an improv comedian. I literally played make-em-ups for a living.
where are you going with this, patty?
LATELY I’VE BEEN SO BLAH, and my imagination is shot. I’m feeling lost, hopeless, and sick to my stomach with the world on a global and local scale. My usual positive, creative self is turning into a mean, old crone.
AND I DON’T LIKE IT.
I haven’t been able to spend time with my best friends, books, because I can’t pay attention to anything for more than fifteen seconds. I listen to audiobooks sometimes, but I’m finding myself bored by them - especially since they all use the same fucking narrator.
ok, what are you going to do about it!??!
This past weekend, I went to my local bookstore to find a new, physical copy of a book. My only requirements were that it be stupidly dumb and easy to follow. No shade to Emily Henry, but I picked up her newest release, Great Big Beautiful Life.
Then, I took my dog to the dog park and I read… in the sun… while Billie played with / awkwardly stared at dogs. It was one of the most satisfying hours I had in a LONG TIME. I didn’t have headphones, so I just listened to the rustling leaves of the trees (that’s a Shrill Screams reference, IYKYK), chirping birds, and the annoying honks of Canadian geese who love to pretend they can’t fly.
Then, I performed in a show last Friday night with a cast of very good friends. It’s sad to admit, but all day I dreaded going. I didn’t feel like commuting, I didn’t want to get home late, etc. etc. But, I went, and I HAD SO MUCH FUN laughing with and at my friends, and creating scenes out of nothing but audience suggestions.
Ugh, you guys… remember FUN?!?!
Basically, everything is terrible and the world is falling apart and it’s all at the hands of man. I use “man” collectively, but also literally because it’s all men making this happen. It’s hard to show up and pretend everything is normal, but we also have to keep existing?
Maybe the world won’t be terrible forever – history shows us that progress is not linear. The best we can do is tap into our inner children and imagine a better world and TRULY BELIEVE that it’s possible. If we start living and acting the way we wish the world was, we’ll make our little worlds a whole lot better. Then, with time, maybe the rest of the world will catch on. WE MUST MANIFEST THAT SHIT.
Until then, let’s get back into playing and reading and disassociating in healthy ways.
here are some books I’d recommend getting lost in:
Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles.
A Russian Aristocrat is spared execution by the Communist party due to an anti-Aristocrat poem, but he is forced to spend the rest of his life living in the attic of a beautiful hotel in St. Petersburg.
Naturally, he struggles at first but makes the best of it. Nothing and everything happens in this book, and it all takes place (mostly) in a single location. He is the best character of all time. I could open any chapter and feel immediately transported.Normal People - Sally Rooney.
The love affair is frustrating, but all-consuming.Wishful Drinking - Carrie Fisher.
If you’re looking for a light-hearted take on a pretty tough life, look no further than Carrie Fisher. There’s old-Hollywood drama, Star Wars’-related eating disorders, a lobotomy, an unhealthy relationship with her mother, a failed marriage to Paul Simon, a failed marriage to a gay man that produced a daughter, Billie. I miss her.Cloud Cuckoo Land - Anthony Doerr.
This book is savory, whatever that means. “Cloud Cuckoo Land brings together an unforgettable cast of dreamers and outsiders from past, present and future to offer a vision of survival against all odds… Bound together by a single ancient text, these tales interweave to form a tapestry of solace and resilience and a celebration of storytelling itself.” - GoodreadsAnxious People - Fredrik Backman.
His writing is fantastic. A bank robbery, a real estate open house, a hostage situation, and cops who are father and son. It’s so fun, and hilarious, honest, and it’s a real win for humankind.
5 (playful) things
I am going to get this animal-themed watercolor kit. FINE, yes, I’ll probably get the Christmas one too.
A build your own tour of Boston literary sites is very appealing to me. I told my sister we should do a tour of all the places women weren’t allowed in the 19th century.
A Jane Austen/Mr. Darcy cross-stitch kit. Oh, great, I’m turning into autistic, antisocial Mr. Darcy.
I’m in a redecorating phase and I think I need this in my bedroom, or on the wall behind me when I’m facilitating. PLEASE CLAP.
Something that makes me really happy is my dog’s paw prints in the snow. I am going to try to recreate this picture. It’s amazing!!!
I’m just counting down the hours until I can go back to bed.
Keep your chin up, buttercup.
xoxo,
Patty
Barrett All, starring Patty Barrett, is written, directed, and produced by Patty Barrett. Lights and sound by Patty Barrett. Hair, make-up, and wardrobe provided by Patty Barrett. For more information, please reach out to Patty Barrett.